What the @#$%?

So, I have decided no more trips with the kids till they are much older!!! Well, no big outings anyway....

Over this past weekend we had a few trips planned. Friday we would be going to Chuckie Cheese, Saturday to Stone Mountain CHRISTMAS, Sunday to see Santa and get pics somewhere....Monday drive around and check out all the CHRISTMAS lights....

Oh wait...I have to interrupt myself to mention that I just heard a word of profanity escape the mouth of my husband in the other room. He got out of work early....and now he is doing MY job...watching all the girls. I bet he wishes he would have just stayed at work. Allison has taken every single wipe out of the box and has placed them artistically all over the floor, Kaylee has gotten up for the 20th or so time refusing to take her nap and Samantha is crying because she needs to go to sleep. Just another frustrating day for me....I have to admit....I know it may not be the correct thing to wish upon someone else...but its nice to know Scott has frequent reminders of just what I deal with the 40 plus hours that he is not home per week. While I am on the politically incorrect bandwagon I may as well keep going. I can sum up my day to day with one four letter word. Ok, there may be a few four letter words that I could use but I was simply thinking hell would be a fitting description. Oh joy, Kaylee is exercising her vocal chords from the other room....for all the neighbors to hear! In perfect sync the other two begin to chime in. I wonder if I could record them and sell them on ebay? (the recordings....not the children....don't tempt me) For what purpose....not really sure. Wow....suddenly Scott decided to take out the trash....can't imagine why....so now I am left with all three singing the blues and coming to me for comfort. Thanks Scott....

I will have to return to my original post later....if I can muster up enough sanity to do it...

My name is Elizabeth.....and I am a QVC-oholic...

So....I am not afraid to admit it. I watch QVC. There. I said it. I WATCH QVC!!! Even more.....I LIKE IT! Come on....can you blame me. You tell me what sounds better to you!
Scene 1 --(and I do mean scene!) Getting around
After the hour of getting each child fed, dressed, teeth brushed, face and hands washed, diaper bags packed, coats and shoes on, opps! another diaper change.....its off to the car we go!! (oh yeah....I may get a good 5 minutes in there as well to get around....I can only hope I don't frighten little children based on my fastly declining visual appearance.....you ever see night of the living dead?)
Did I mention I live on a second level condo? Yeah, so that means a flight of stairs. You ready for the next visual?! I don't even know how I do it exactly. Allison in one arm.....Samantha in her car seat being held by the other hand, diaper bags and purse thrown over my neck and Kaylee walking behind me whimpering the whole way because she wants to be carried too.
So we finally arrive at the car and this is where the real magic happens! This is where my other set of eyes (you know the ones in the back of my head) come in to play. So this next set of joyful steps is a tricky one....definitely not for the amature. Keep in mind I am now in a parking lot....with 3 children...that I have to safely get into the car....3 children.....all 2 and under....do you understand what I am saying. This is also where I have figured out a fact not written in those "how to prepare" books. Did you know that ears don't actually develop on children till they are oh....say.....48 months old! No kidding....I mean...they are on the head....I can see them....but they must not be working because Kaylee never seems to hear a word I say! Which makes the "get into the car" routine an especially tricky one.
So Kaylee is to sit on the step by the parking lot while I take the other two to the car. Hike up the car seat into the base all while still holding Allison and now being choked by the diaper bag and purse around my neck. Then I move to the other side (still watching Kaylee with my back up eyes) and finally take off the stylish neck ware and place Allison in her seat. Did you know that toddlers don't like to be confined?! Yeah....I know....it shocked me too! This is where the implementation of just the right amount of force and bribery...(aka trickery)...come into play. But you gotta have just the right amount of each or THEY know THEY have the upper hand. Finally call Kaylee over....but she has usually made her way by now....that whole ears not developed yet remember??....so the last step is to confine the 3rd child and hope that during the drive she does not decide to unbuckle her seat belt and start walking around the back of the van. **sigh***So you would think the hard part is over....right? That only took a good....hummm.....what has it been....and hour now?
After wiping the sweat off my face and applying another lathering of deodorant....(I can at least smell good right?)...its off to the mall!! Oh what fun to be had!!
Scene 2 --Driving down the road on the way to the mall
All I really need to say is BARNEY....over and over and over again....all the way to the mall. God help me if I don't have the CD.....
BARNEY.....
Scene 3 --Mall parking lot
Oh boy....now we are in public!!
Pull out double stroller (aka bus)
Break back while pulling each child out of the car and placing them into their seat....of course usually by this point my wonderful Kaylee is practicing the art of resistance! "I don't want to get out....I want to go home!"
With 2 of my toddlers now confined in a stroller (remember that comment about confinement?) I continue my amazing transformation into a kangaroo!! My pouch is secured into place and Samantha is now brought out of her car seat....which she is usually fast asleep in...and placed on me.....which generally produces a crying fit due to her extreme pissed offtedness with me. (yes, that is a word....at least in my house it is)
Now me and my extra 50lbs are ready to enter to crazy chaos of the mall!! This would be a great place to ask.....has anyone ever really tried to push a double stroller around? Well I have heard some are a breeze!! Of course....the one I picked up for $50 out of the local newspaper is NOT one of them. I wondered why someone would be selling it so cheap!! Hummm......
Upon entering the mall the enthrallment of it all lasts.....oh....about.....10 minutes?! Now its back to extreme pissed offtedness.....this time it is from my little resistant Kaylee and my newest attitude on the block....Allison!! All this free expression coming from my children not only wakes my sleeping Samantha again which brings on another bought of pissed offtedness from her....but also grabs the disapproving eyes from all who walk the mall. It is already hard enough as it is to not become the spectacle when I am out in public. Apparently people don't feel its necessary to have as many children as I have....and they are not subtle about letting me know. Apparently they must think I care...
Scene 5 -- Returning home
SO....15 minutes after arriving at the mall its time to go....(really....that 15 minutes feels like a lifetime at this point) Time to go through all the steps of getting my children back into the car, fight with the "bus" to get it to fold up back to the size it should be to fit in the back wipe the sweat from the forehead and apply another lathering of deodorant. But wait? What's that smell? Forget it.....press play...."I love you-you love me-we're a happy family-with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you-won't you say you love me too!" (x's 50)
Scene 6--Unload and head back inside
Pretty close to the loading scene....except this one includes the oh so famous "I missed my nap meltdown!!!" Its a fabulous song and dance....really!
whimper whimper...."i want to hold your hand momma".....Kaylee falls to the ground while whaling because at this point she is so overly tired...Samantha is crying from Kaylee once again waking her....Allison sputters just waiting to erupt the moment I put her down....and the sweat continues to pour off my face.....
So YES.....my name is Elizabeth....and I AM a QVC-oholic!

So you may be wondering....

Ok, so the first thing you are going to notice is that I am not able to post blogs nearly as often as my husband. You may be wondering if its because I am just too lazy....not dedicated to my own cause....etc. The answer to that would be no. Its neither of those really. The answer is a lot simpler then that actually. Its just.....well...its really....just....well....I'm just not employed! (and who says jobs tend to get in the way of life....from where I am standing...it allows a lot of dedicated "me" time.....yeah yeah....with a little bit of work on the side.)

Well, I just heard the toilet flush.....never a good sign when it is coming from the hands of a toddler....better go see if I can find what's missing.

Well....here goes nothing!

In an attempt to remember that there is more to life then dirty diapers, endless laundry and the often offensively long overdo shower I decided to follow in the steps of my wonderful husband and hop on the bloggin bandwagon. A sort of therapy I suppose. An uncluttering of thoughts as to benefit not only myself but realistically my entire family.

Although I can honestly say my "rants and ramblings" will not be as politically or philosophically thought out as my Glenn Beck wannabe husbands are (not that I am complaining....Glenn's commentary is not only entertaining but ranks as one of the few voices of common sense to be found in the media outlets these days) but rather my blogs will simply introduce you(or possibly remind) you to a world often taken for granted. Not only the day to day dealings of a mother of 4 (I will amaze you as I prove truth to the question..."is it really possible to be non-stop all day and yet get nothing accomplished?")but also the scattered pieces of an individual that once was. Desperately seeking to rejoin the world of intelligent conversation, personal achievement and hair coloring. I invite you to step into my day to day. As a wife, mother and most commonly referred to as "MOMMY!!"...I invite you to get to know the woman formerly known as Elizabeth.